I was going through my old computer and came across a paper I wrote for school a few years ago.

For those of you who don't know me, I am just a girl. I am human, and I make mistakes. I am also somewhat responsible. I appreciate my heritage and want to learn more about it sometime in the near future. Who I am is not determined by what others say or think. I am me regardless of the thoughts of others.

If you know me, you know me. There's no big mystery to who I am. I'm exactly who you see. I'm exactly whose walking down the hallway at school. I don't have an image to uphold because my reputation is ever-changing. I'd have to say that I'm really outgoing and energetic. I don’t always think before I speak, and that doesn’t always turn out very well. I tend to let people take advantage of me. I wish I could be totally one- hundred percent honest to everyone's face every second of the day, but I am too nice to do that.
I want to be happy. I want to be that person that's so happy it makes you sick. I don't want to be happy just on the outside. I want to be happy on the inside. I'm working on building a thicker skin. I used to be a cutter and I have realized it never made me feel as good as I do now. I'm not perfect, but I'm the best person I can be. I have the greatest friends in the whole world. I try my best not to hold grudges against them. I hate the way people want to put themselves into a category, or pretend to like/hate certain things to make themselves cool. I like what I like because I like it, and I don't care if you think it's stupid.
Life, to me, is about feeling and not thinking. Life is about hearing every wonderful sound and seeing every gorgeous thing out there. I'm really emotional and sensitive. The smallest things can make me feel amazing, or tare me to the lowest low. Some people would want to change this because the pain is so unbearable, but the truth is, when something feels good, it's incredible and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't plan a lot because I like everything to fall into place as it goes along.

I do think I'm different than everyone else. I try hard to believe it, but at the same time I know it's not true. If something is truly how you feel inside, and you express it outwardly in your appearance, it will never be received poorly. I do know what love feels like. I've been in love. School wise, I dislike math with a passion and I can't stand Spanish. Other than those classes, I don’t mind school and all the hard work involved. I was going to take photography class, but they canceled it. Writing is one of my other favorite things. I love to read things that are worth reading. I love poetry, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I express myself through my poems. I love to laugh. In fact, I laugh at everything, even in serious situations. It's probably something else to do with my insecurities. I know I'm going to do something special in the future, I just don't know what it is yet. Until then, I'm just living every day to the fullest to try to feel everything I possibly can. Who am I? I am Jennifer Thorson.

I've now got the new LiveJournal Messenger. My Windows Live ID is lightsfadingout@livejournal.com. Sign up now and we can chat!

Life. . . oh what a complex thing it is. Lately I should be thrilled that I finally have a job and yet I am still unhappy. I can't stop thinking about patrick and that is literally eating away at my insides.

Yeah I am normally super happy and energetic but to be honest lately I just feel down. The last guy I connected with just completely blew me off. I can't seem to find anyone that makes me feel the way patrick did.

Yeah sorry I am hung up over an ex, it happens to the best of people! I wish the feelings would just go away but they don't. I feel like it is my self harm addiction all over again. I know I need to stop thinking about him and everyone tells me this but I just. . . .cant. .

"You were too young to be in love" Bullshit. I hate when people say that. I know what we had was LOVE, in all its glory. Then he went off to fucking Iraq and everything changed. It was really hard to argue over the internet.

I just hate seeing him say that his new girlfriend of what 2 months is the love of his life when that is what he told me. He is telling her everything he used on me. . .That is making me sick to my stomach.

I really do not know what to do anymore. I planned my whole life with him and in one email it was shattered into a million pieces along with my heart. He was the one thing in my life I actually believed would turn out okay, and look what happened? It went to hell just like everything else seems to.

I just need a good cry to be honest. I have not cried in a while and all these emotions are eating me up.

I wrote this recently. . .I was not gonna post it but decided to anyways.



I've kept myself locked away, hiding, and waiting.
Storing my feelings inside,
Pretending that I am much more than what I am.
I hold back my pain,
I also never ask the questions that need to be asked.
In-fact.... I never ask questions at all.

The thoughts keep spinning,
The words keep pressing to escape.
I want to scream the ideas out,
And just flood the world with the impossible words.

Starting to see now,
All the things that need to be fixed,
Starting to slowly repair the damage that I let age,
And mirror myself after the person I was meant to be.

Lost within myself,
I pretend to be just enough okay.
To make it through the day,
I think over and over again,
How and why,
I got this way.
I long to be back to happy,
Its starting to return to me,
I just hope it hasn't been far too long for me to remember what it feels like.

The only reason i am still in one piece,
Is hope that the a happy future isn't so far away...

YAY! I LOVE IT! I got bored of my other one and made a new one today

I wrote this back in 2005.


Look at us now,
In the world that we live,
Full of such hate,
Not willing to give,
One second of our time,
To save that one soul,
The lights fading out,
It's unbearably cold...

All the pretty colors,
Are faded and bleak,
Screaming for help,
Unable to speak,
Hungering for feeling,
Yet cold to the touch,
We'll go on with the killing,
Will it ever be enough?

Stomachs so empty,
Mouths are so dry,
Guns and knives,
Take all the innocent lives,
Retched minds,
Devise schemes to break the heart,
How did this happen,
We're falling apart.

Light the candles,
Turn out the lights,
We've got to save us,
This cold, dark night,
Forget what might happen,
Consequence be damned,
Light your candle,
Hold out a helping hand.

It is a heart wearing headphones. It represents my love for music and all that it has done for me. The line in the middle is not a broken heart; They are waves from the music playing in the headphones.

I dont know if this is really supposed to be a song or a poem. Anyways hope you enjoy it




Zero Gravity

Leave some room for separation,
Push and shove and make the space.
Tear in your eye,
Rip in your skin.
Emptiness encasing you,
What will heal these wounds?
Where should we even begin?

Falling into zero gravity,
Spare me the details,
I don't want to know how it is all done.

Dreams,
What do they even mean?
Ideas swimming inside of your head,
You want to be the world, an angel,
A god maybe, but do you think,
The job would be way too hard?

Smile at your mirror,
The delayed reflection means you are moving way too slow.
Speed up life,
Take some sleep and inject it into your head.
Floating in motionless space,
Zero gravity,
Zero gravity!

Falling into zero gravity,
Spare me the details,
I don't even want to know how its all done,
If it's at all possible,
Impossible!

Take me
Far away from
This leaking space,
This missing space.
Take me
Far away from
This fracture brain,
This feeling of going insane!

Falling into, falling into
Zero Gravity.
Falling right through, Falling right through,
Zero Gravity.

Falling(drifting)
Into(right through)
Zero(Gravity)

I found an online program that is kinda like photoshop. Not as advanced but it works good enough.

This was taken last week at the mall. I love this hoodie so much, deff worth the $75.


here is the tattoo I am thinking about getting, thoughts?

So I took a greyhound up from Tucson to Sacramento for the concert. Was a total of 40 hours. I got home today and passed out, fun but exhausting weekend. Here is my story about the concert on Friday 7/24 at the Sleep train Amphitheater. it is kinda long so be warned

click here to just view ALL the pictures(i only posted a few for each part of the story, there are wayyy more

( click here to view the full story with pics & videos )

I have soooooo many pics and what not so I wont have the review up until later today at least. I have a job interview too so that will take some time. Here are a few pics to keep you guys excited for the post =)

Here is a quick update of the day. A full story will be posted on monday with pics, videos, and all. I am still on my way home from the concert. =) I had an amazing time, I am passing out the second I get home

M&g
- taylor ripped my poster
- jeremy loved my graphic
- hayley remembered me


Concert
- got really close to the barricade
- great pics
- paramore didn't come out for stand & deliever

For the paramoremusic awards 5 times. Even if i dont win its okay cause they picked the top 5 nominations for each category and I still made that.

I am nominated for:
- friendliest user
- most helpful user
- most artistic user
- most popular user
- user with most ~paramore spirit~


PARAMORE M&G/CONCERT TONIGHT! GONNA ROCK!!!! SOOO EXCITED

So I had to re do them all so that they will fit on the photo paper. They were too small and makign them bigger made it looks shitty. I would have made them all the same except some of the pics were to small so i had to re do them. I dont think they are all better than the originals but I tried.

Going to wallgreens tonight or tomorrow morning to get them printed. I resized these so they dont stretch your friends page too much
( graphics i made for the band are under the cut )

They are not big enough for the photo paper at wallgreens so I am gonna re create them before I leave on wednesday. The only thing is I dont have much time since I have to get a job/look for one and show progress or my car is taken away. . .I am gonna try and make them as close to the originals as possible.

Ever since I got back from visiting my birth mom, my parents are being even bigger jerks to me. They are mad I went to see her but that was something I needed to do for myself and have wanted to do since I first found out I was adopted!

So I put 2 tickets to the paramore/no doubt concert on ebay. Because the concert is friday and shipping takes a few days I made the bidding time 3 days. It just ended and the 2 tickets were sold for $76. I originally paid $186 for them and even though I didnt get as much money as they originally cost, I dont mind because selling them bought me the hoodie I was going to buy at the concert. =D woooooo, hello new paramore hoodie! I cant wait to get this!

I used to hate my freckles. Now I look at them and find joy in each and everyone. Same with my red hair. I used to hate it and now it makes me happy and unique. Its nice that I have finally accepted who I am and don't dwell on my faults like I used to not so long ago.

I am making some. Any Thoughts? I dont know if they will like them, I hope so

( graphics i made for the band are under the cut )